I admitted this is the thing I don't know how to do: Live with someone. I am not sure how it happened before. As we figure it out, it is also the process of learning each other. We have our histories and I don't allow myself to get particularly hung up on them. I have decided not to get not allow myself to get in over my head. I don't know if that's a function of not completely giving myself over like before, but I think it's better this way. I am not afraid of anything because what I have to lose isn't going to wreck me so completely as before. It's like Manny told me, You always need to have an exit plan. You always need to look out for yourself. I didn't do that before. I gave myself up. So when it comes to trust, I wonder, does it matter if I trust or not? If I am willing to lose what I've offered up, then what is there to trust? It's more of a professional agreement, right? I have learned not to give anything with the expectation that I'll get something back.

So I find myself ticking off the process elements of it, of living together. Things I should put on the to-do list: Do the Laundry. Plan a date night. Hug three times a day. Make her lunch. Do the dishes. Ask how her day went. Send a text message at mid-morning. There is a layer on my mind wishing that simply doing these things will make it work, because it seems that the last women I've known needed just these small things. They didn't demand anymore. They didn't want to eat me completely. If I am considerate and honest and dependable then it will work, right? Then it won't fail, right?

It can still fail. That's why you have to be ready to lose. Enjoy what is in front of you. Stop over analyzing. We are here as long as we choose to be. Everyday there is the decision.